Author: sutherland

It’s a formula that’s worked for cats, dogs and attempts at English translation – so now, lolSkates.  The difference, though, is that my skating can make you laugh without misspelled captions.

At today’s skate I had the girl-child take some video of me so I could evaluate my backward skating.  My judgment? Well, it seems a lot faster when I’m doing it …

For the record, there was an incident before the video was shot.  I would like to make it completely clear that I did not fall down – no matter what the girl-child claims.  Here’s what happened:

Early in the session the hockey-game-in-my-head took a turn against us.  We turned the puck over in the offensive zone and I had to hustle to the blue line as one of the opposing forwards-in-my-head had the puck and an open sheet of ice all the way to our goal (which was in my head, as well, since they don’t put the actual nets out during public skating).

I got to the blue line ahead of him and started to turn to block his progress when he clearly began a pass to the opposing center-in-my-head.  Since the rest of my team-in-my-head was tied up deep in the offensive zone, this would be very bad and result in three-on-one rush, since their other winger-in-my-head was free as well.

So, bravely sacrificing my body for the team-in-my-head, I dove to the ice, making a spectacular pokecheck with the stick-in-my-head and directing the puck-in-my-head back deep into the offensive zone where my teammate-in-my-head took it and immediately scored. 

This is how I wound up sprawled facedown on the ice at the blueline. 

I did not fall.

This is not the first blatantly false accusation the girl-child has made about me, either.  Just yester day, she accused me of falling out of my kayak.  Brat.

Florida Bay Outfitters has an annual torment Paul rental fleet sale: http://www.kayakfloridakeys.com/Sales/salerentalgear.htm

Why am I drooling this year?

Wilderness Systems Tarpon 160 w/ Rudder for $845

Yes, I already have a Tarpon, but it’s the older model.  The new model has their Phase 3 seat, which would solve my ass pad seat cushion problem quite nicely. 

It also has a rear well where my model has a hatch.  When they first made the change, I didn’t like it – reducing dry storage.  But over the years, I’ve come to wish I had that rear well – what with trying to access coolers and dive gear in the rear hatch or trying to keep things strapped to the back from sliding off the boat, I can see the benefit now.

Although the Tarpon’s marketed for fishermen, I like mine for all purposes.  It’s a very stable boat, tracks well and it’s easy to get in and out off – from dock, shore or deep water.  I’ve used mine for river, lake and ocean trips – touring and camping. 

Wilderness Systems Tarpon 140 w/ Rudder for $795

Why a second, shorter Tarpon?  Because the first one is so damn good, but the kids have trouble horsing the long boat around turns.

I now have four boats: my Tarpon, a Pamlico, a Swifty and a Spitfire.  Frankly, no one in the family likes to paddle anything but the Tarpon.  I got the Swifty and Spitfire for the kids, because they’re more appropriately sized, but the poor tracking of the shorter boats wears them out too fast.

I’m very tempted to sell those three and start buying multiple Tarpons.

Hobie Mirage Adventure Island $2399

I want this boat.

16’ with outriggers and sail – the peddle drive system would be nice for a break once in a while, too.

And, of course, now that I’ve started paddling again, it appears that the entire state of Florida is going to be rained on for the next week … figures.

Nothing earth-shaking in skating this week.  T had his regular lesson today and I went to the public skate – after his lesson, he joined me and I had him work on his crossover and backward skating a little bit.

I didn’t start the four-week skating lessons yesterday.  I spent Friday paddling in the Gulf and just couldn’t get up the ambition to skate on Saturday.  No energy until about 8:00 PM, when I got a wild hair to go buy a bicycle – bought the cheapest mountain bike Wal-Mart had ($89) and rode three miles last night around 9:30.

I ordered an attachment for running dogs for the bike from Amazon and as soon as that arrives we’ll see if the Big Bad Wolf …

… gets the concept or if she’ll just wait for an opportune moment to dump me on my head.  Odds are currently 6-to-5 against and pick ‘em.

Really-good-skater-guy wasn’t at the public skate today, so no comments were made about my backward-practice.  I expanded things today, going from blue line to blue line.

Something odd: When skating forward, my right leg is dominant, but backward, my left-leg winds up doing the stronger stroke.

I was able to get more comfortable with a semi-crouched position going backward today and kept my head up more – alternating between looking behind (ahead of?) me and ahead of (behind?) me. 

I started practicing keeping my eye on skaters coming toward me, since that’s what I’ll need to do when I start playing.  Unfortunately, since my backward speed is, shall we say, sub-optimal, this means that I’m mostly watching people skate toward and by me.

On the other hand, if someone gives that little five-year old along the boards a stick and a puck, I’m pretty sure I can take her.

I need to get my skates sharpened again and change back to a deeper hollow, I think.  Last time I had them put their “normal” hollow on them and for some reason I’m just not getting enough bite on the edge to feel comfortable – it slides more than digging in.  This is affecting my stop and turns. 

Or maybe I should keep it as-is and try to get used to it, since the deeper hollow will slow me down and, god knows, there’s enough of that already.

T’s regular lesson in learn-to-play today and not much new, except that I’ve decided not to jump into the current adult learn-to-play session.  I’d like to, but I’ve watched it a couple times now and I’d be the worst skater in there.  Instead, I’ll be taking a four-week learn-to-skate class starting Saturday –- hopefully I’ll be able to improve enough with that to get in on the next set of playing classes.

Since we started this, I’ve noticed some folks going out of their way to be nice and helpful to us:

• T’s coach at one of his first couple lessons, who gave him a free jersey;
• Really, all of T’s coaches deserve credit for putting up with the little snot;  😉
• I was sitting at a table during one of the public skates and a referee walked up to me and asked, “Is it your son who’s learning to play?”  My first thought was: “Oh, hell, he jumped onto the ice during someone’s game”, but no, a player had broken his stick and they took the time to track down a kid it could be cut down for (resulting in the one and only $180 stick T will have for a long, long time);
• A lady who heard me talking in the pro-shop about goalie gear, during a momentary brain-fart where I thought my knees might be able to handle that, and stopped me a couple days later to give me the number of someone who was selling his old gear;

In general, everyone we’ve interacted with has been very nice and helpful – so let me set the scene for Jackass.

The public skate starts today and I take a few laps, then move on to practicing backward skating. 

I’m skating a normal oval, like everyone else, but I’m transitioning to skate backwards at the red-line, and continuing straight until I either decide to stop or transition back to forward-skating somewhere between the other blue-line and the goal-line.

Before I transition, I’m making sure that there’s no one ahead of me that I might catch up to once I’m skating backwards and no one coming up behind me who’ll be caught unawares by my transition.  Furthermore, I’m making sure that there’s no one in the boxes who might step out onto the ice ahead of me (behind me?) once I transition.  If these conditions aren’t met, I just keep going forward to the other side of the rink.

I’m very comfortable with my transition at this point and I’m keeping my speed down to maintain that comfort-level.  I think it’s clear that I’m not very experienced at going backwards yet, but I’m maintaining a straight path and I’m certainly not spinning around or flailing my arms in the air. 

Nor am I over-balancing and about to go backwards, ass over tea kettle.  I recognize that my center-of-gravity is still too high and my knees aren’t bent enough, but I’m working on that. 

In short, I’m being very careful to make sure I don’t run into anyone, get in anyone’s way, or push my skills too far – just enough to force me to improve.

So I’m doing this and as I’m skating backwards, this guy, we’ll call him really-good-skater-guy slows down and gets my attention.  Now really-good-skater-guy is someone I see at the rink a lot – he breezes around at a pretty good clip and clearly knows what he’s doing.

“Turn around,” he says.  I figure he wants to tell me something and knows I’ll be able to listen better skating forward.

“Cool,” I think to myself. “Really-good-skater-guy’s going to give me a pointer or two.  Probably that I should get my COG lower, but still.”  So I turn around and get ready to listen.

“You need to stop skating backwards like that,” he says.

Huh? I must have looked perplexed, because he continued:

“You’re going to bust your head open.”

Now, keep in mind, I haven’t fallen, I haven’t lost control, I haven’t been flailing my arms in circles like a deranged gibbon.  In fact, I feel like I’ve been very careful not to push too far beyond my abilities – obviously, in order to improve, one has to push somewhat beyond one’s abilities, but I’m pushing that envelope slowly and with forethought.

I say something to the effect of, “Well, I’m learning.”

To which he responds, “Learning to crack your head open if you keep it up.”

At this point, I’m somewhat irritated, because his tone and phrasing are very condescending.  In addition, I realize that his initial “turn around” wasn’t a friendly, “hey, turn around so we can chat”, it was, to him, an order of some sort – an attitude I don’t respond well to.

But I’m not going to cause a scene, so I shrug and say: “Well, I’m practicing,” hoping he’ll take the hint and go away.

Which he does, with the parting words: “If you’re going to do it, wear a helmet; I’ve seen too many people crack their heads open.”

Now, his core advice, which he finally gets to, is probably sound: wear a helmet.

In fact, I’ve considered wearing not only the helmet, but my shin and elbow pads, as well as my hockey pants, when practicing skating, precisely because it’s just safer.  And I don’t bounce so good anymore.

But his presentation and attitude are just so supercilious and negative, that this encounter simply pisses me off.  Plus now I’ve got “crack your head open” and the fact that really-good-skater-guy is apparently keeping an eye on me running through my head, so if I try to practice any more, I likely will fall and crack my head open – not the best mindset in which to be when practicing something.

Which, of course, brings up the mindsets of: if I don’t keep practicing it, he’ll think it’s because he told me not to; and, if I do wear my pads next time, he’ll think it’s because of him.  The stubborn boogeyman of human nature rearing its ugly head. 

But I realize that the I’m-pissed-off-so-I’ll-be-even-better-at-something mentality only really works in the movies, so I leave off any backward skating for a while.

Midway through the second-half of the public skating, I start practicing this again – same way, only doing it if there’s no one else around me and no flailing – when really-good-skater-guy breezes by me again with an eye roll.  What the hell is this guy’s problem with me?

Even if the advice “wear a helmet” is good, fundamentally a lot more people have learned to skate – forward, backward and sideways-triple-camel-death-spin – than have ever learned with one.  The learn to skate class, where, I assume, I’ll be taught to skate backwards, doesn’t require a helmet.  Ultimately, this guy seems older than I am so, presumably, he learned as a child well before the current helmet craze, so he must have learned without a helmet.

Attitude and phrasing have a big impact when offering advice.  My fifteen-year old daughter apparently knows that, because she offered some skating advice to a couple this afternoon and got a big “thank you” after the session.

Let’s see:

“Hey, you’re doing pretty good, but you should keep your center-of-gravity lower and a lot of people get hurt learning this, so you might want to wear a helmet.”

or

“Turn around. You need to stop skating backwards like that.”

Which approach would work for you?